Rachel and Dylan - Two paths on a date with destiny
I wonder if I’ll ever have a love…my love
(Zach) got his, i don’t, won’t ever get mine. Here’s all the people i’ve loved, or at least liked (or thought i loved) - all the same meaning.
(redacted)..is the newest…the purest
(for now)..seems perfect for me…
I seem perfect for her. I was delusional
& thought she waved at me at the last day
of school. oh well.. my emotions are gone.
so much past pain at once, my senses are numbed. The beauty
of being numb..lately
Rachel performed another mime in the 1998 talent show. As Rachel started her performance, the audiotape sound became very garbled, and the music stopped. The audience started looking around to see what was wrong. Meanwhile on stage, Rachel kept right on with her mime. It was probably at least two minutes before the tape was fixed and the music came back on. Since Rachel had been keeping the song going in her head, when the tape restarted, she was in perfect step. She was miming the Ray Boltz song “The Hammer.” It is about a Roman soldier who witnesses Jesus’ crucifixion and asks the question, “Who would nail this innocent
man (woman?) on a cross?” In the song, he comes to realize it was his own sin and the sins of the world that crucified Jesus. Ironically Dylan Klebold was in the sound booth that night, and he was the one who eventually fixed the audiotape. Once again, through Rachel, the gospel had gone forth even to her killer.
Excerpt from Rachel’s Tears
Q – Beth, you write, Rachel had a growing sense that she did not have long to live. We picked up only inklings of this while she was alive. What did you pick up? What did she tell you? Did she talk about some of the things that were going on in Columbine?
A – No. It was nothing like that. It wasn’t until hind sight that we actually saw that she was saying things that would later come true. She would say things like she was never going be married. She would say things like, I don’t ever think I’m going to get old. That kind of thing. And of course when you’re hearing that, it’s just like teenager talk. You’re like you just don’t want to get old. Really I think there was something in her that just gave her that feeling that that was true about her life. Then of course her writings substantiated that.
Q – Didn’t Dylan have a crush on Rachel?
A – He actually did at one time. In fact, even Judy Brown collaborated that to me a few weeks ago when I met her at an anniversary dinner for Columbine. Dylan had had a crush on her. I don’t know where that went. Rachel had actually tried to be friends with Dylan, not in a boyfriend-girlfriend kind of deal. She was a kind person. When everything went wrong for Dylan, I guess he kind of turned on her. Rachel was known as a Christian at Columbine and there was a lot of hate about Christians and Jews. They fed their anger. They had to keep it at a level and to do that they fed it through books, games, movies, very violent sources. They kept up this mock bravery or toughness and they fed one another with it. They had to keep that anger at a certain level in order for them to seed the plan they did. I know when Rachel was performing one night at a variety show, her tape got garbled. It was Dylan in the sound booth. I was told that he was so anxious to get that right because she was performing a mime during the tape. I think it was kind of a love-hate thing. He hated her for her Christian point of view, but, at the same time he was drawn to her because she was a kind person.
— Beth Nimmo, Rachel’s mother
Well, of course, just because the two mother’s corroborate that Dylan had a crush on Rachel doesn’t necessarily give it more credence. However, to me, it is interesting to speculate about that distinguished “R” heart on Dylan "Likes and Loves (all the same to him) List". And, yes, certainly, the “R” could easily have been Robyn as a fond like/love. Hell, some have pointed out Reb. Sure, why not - brotherly love then? ;) ) The length of the scratched out, redacted name seems to fit the length of ‘Rachel Scott’ rather than the longer character length of ‘Robyn Anderson’. But, meh, that doesn’t really prove anything either. At any rate, Dylan knew Rachel and he anxiously worked like mad to help her correct the audio in her play. That part is a fact. Even if he no longer ‘liked’ her at that point, for her religion or whatever - for what it is worth, it was random act of kindness on his part to do damage control and help her out.
Whenever I listen to "Who Am I Living For" by Katy Perry, I think of these two - both stating their individual missions and purpose as each plays a resolved role in their fated destiny. Columbine, being an, almost, spiritual-like war ground in which, Rachel as the first sacrificial victim, sparked the chain reaction. The grave impact of that day weighs heavily echoing on in the many years thereafter, like a giant stone plunged into a vast pond, with ripples continuing to echo outward even to this day. The repercussions from ‘It’ transformed universal consciousness like a sleeping giant. The two huntsmen, suiting up for the final battle, looking for sacrificial retribution could have been thwarted. There were several signs, several ways in which the warnings of impending doom could have been stopped - and yet, it was somehow meant to occur, to play out, for the greater purpose within the universe. Like the Phoenix rising from the ashes to transform the wrongs of the past - a better future paved with a more mindful sense of awareness, compassion and kindness.. Yes, of course, we have a veeeeery long way to go with all of this but Columbine was the impetus that veered us on to this new path. It was the ultimate wake up call. Dylan surrendered to Fate "Fate is my only Master." as to whether he would partake in a Two Man War known as ‘Judgment Day’ and Rachel surrendered to her God, begging to be used for a great purpose that would reach the world. Both’s message were received and heard by the world.
I can feel a phoenix inside of me
As I march alone to a different beat
Slowly swallowing down my fear. Yeah, yeah.
I am ready for the road less traveled
Suiting up for my crowning battle
This test is my own cross to bear
But I will get there
I can feel this light that’s inside of me
Growing fast into a bolt of lightning
I know one spark will shock the world
So I pray for favor like Esther
I need your strength to handle the pressure
I know there will be sacrifice…But that’s the price
It’s never easy to be chosen
Never easy to be called
Standing on the front line
When the bombs start to fall
I can see the heavens
But I still hear the flames
Calling out my name
I can see the writing on the wall
I can’t ignore this war
At the end of it all
Who am I living for?
Anyway, I suppose this post is sort of a ‘Happy Belated B-day’ to Rachel Scott in some odd sort of way. ;)